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Back in 2019, three years into raising our trilingual kids, my husband and I hit a wall. Despite all our efforts, our son simply wouldn’t speak Chinese or Russian, even though he understood both languages perfectly. He would only reply in English.
We were frustrated and exhausted, wondering if we were doing something wrong. It felt like we were on the verge of giving up our dream.
And then, I stumbled upon something that changed everything: a simple equation.
Within three months of applying it, our son was speaking all three of his languages.
This equation became a game-changer for our family. And today, I’m sharing it with you so you can avoid the years of struggle we experienced. Let’s dive in! (You can also watch the accompanying YouTube video!)
What Is the Equation?
Here’s the crux of the matter:
Bilingual Success = Exposure + Need
Simple, right? But don’t underestimate its power! Let’s break it down:
• Exposure is how much your child hears and interacts with the language—essentially, the input.
• Need is how much your child feels they must use the language—the output.
If either one of these is missing, the whole equation falls apart.
I first came across this concept in Adam Beck’s book Maximize Your Child’s Bilingual Ability, and it was a total lightbulb moment. It explained why we were struggling. We had plenty of exposure but weren’t creating enough of a need for our son to speak the languages.
Once we addressed this imbalance, everything changed. Within three months, our son was speaking Chinese and Russian fluently alongside English. Check out my blog post and video discussing our journey!
Why Is This Equation So Important?
If the balance of exposure and need is off, your child’s bilingual development will reflect that imbalance.
Scenario 1: Plenty of Exposure but No Need
This results in passive bilingualism – when a child understands the language but doesn’t actively speak it.
This was our situation. For example, when I’d ask my son to bring me a 杯子 (beizi, cup), he’d fetch it. But if I asked him, “Beizi zai nali?” (Where’s the cup?), he’d answer in English: “It’s in the kitchen.”
Why? Because he didn’t need to respond in Chinese. He knew I’d understand him anyway.
While passive bilingualism is still an incredible achievement and something to celebrate, many parents want their child to actively use the language. If that’s you, it’s important to evaluate where the “need” component is falling short.
Scenario 2: Low Exposure and Low Need
This is when neither part of the equation is being fulfilled.
A friend of mine experienced this with her children. Both parents wanted their kids to learn Cantonese, but they mostly spoke English at home, perhaps due to both parents being second-generation immigrants.
The children’s exposure to Cantonese was minimal, and their need to use it was even lower – interactions with Cantonese speakers were rare and limited to occasional visits to their grandparents.
The result? When the kids were left with their Cantonese-speaking grandparents, they couldn’t communicate. The equation had broken down because neither exposure nor need was being met.
How to Apply It to Your Family
Now that you understand the equation, how can you make it work for your family?
1. Increase Exposure
Exposure is the easier part of the equation. It’s about creating opportunities for your child to hear or interact the language in some way.
Here are some practical ways to increase exposure:
• Speak the language at home: Simply speak to your child in the target language! Aim to do it MOST of the time.
• Incorporate the target language into daily routines: If you want to introduce the language more gradually to build up exposure, perhaps start using it in certain contexts e.g. mealtimes.
• Read books together: Reading is one of the best ways to get high-quality exposure to a language. Choose engaging stories in the target language and read it together – make it part of your routine to maximise consistency.
• Take lessons: Consider enrolling your child in formal language classes for extra input.
In most bilingual households, exposure is relatively high. The challenge, however, often lies in the second part of the equation.
2. Create a Need
Creating a genuine need for your child to use the language is more complex but crucial. Here’s how we approached it:
We set the expectation that our son had to respond to us in Chinese or Russian.
If he replied in English, we gently but firmly asked him to say the sentence again in the target language. If he didn’t know how, we provided the words and encouraged him to repeat after us.
While this approach worked for us, it’s not the only way. Another example is a friend of mine whose daughter spent a summer in China with her grandparents. With no one around who spoke English, the little girl was “forced” to use Chinese. By the end of the summer, her language skills had skyrocketed.
The key is to create an environment where speaking the target language feels necessary – whether through structured rules at home or immersive experiences like travel.
Take Stock and Take Action
So, there you have it:
Bilingual Success = Exposure + Need
It’s a simple yet powerful formula. Take a moment to evaluate where your family stands with exposure and need. What’s one small change you can make today to bring these two components into balance?
Whether it’s reading more books in the target language, setting clear expectations at home, or planning an immersive trip, every step you take brings you closer to your goals.
Share Your Story
Have you tried this equation in your own multilingual journey? What challenges or successes have you experienced? Let me know in the comments – I’d love to hear your story!
For more tips and insights, check out my book Bilingual & Trilingual Parenting 101 and watch the video where I dive deeper into creating the “need” component.
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